He is one of America’s most prominent filmmakers. He has made many comedies and serious films that deal with subjects that have always interested him-the relationships of men and women, death, and the meaning of life. Actor, director, screenwriter, and playwright Woody Allen redefined film comedy during the 1970s, bringing a new measure of sophistication and personal complexity to the form. His movies are devoted subjects such as art, religion, and romance.
He is a great artist and a man while remaining consistently entertaining, enlightening, and funny.
(1935 – )
– Woody Allen Quotes –
I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
~ Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
~ Woody Allen
I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
~ Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.
~ Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
~ Woody Allen
I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look.
~ Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
~ Woody Allen
I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
~ Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
~ Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
~ Woody Allen
I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
~ Woody Allen
As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
~ Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
~ Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.
~ Woody Allen
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
~ Woody Allen
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
~ Woody Allen
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
~ Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
~ Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~ Woody Allen
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
~ Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
~ Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
~ Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
~ Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
~ Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
~ Woody Allen
I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
~ Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
~ Woody Allen
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
~ Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
~ Woody Allen
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
~ Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
~ Woody Allen
Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.
~ Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
~ Woody Allen
If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.
~ Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
~ Woody Allen
In Beverly Hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
~ Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.
~ Woody Allen
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
~ Woody Allen
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said ‘No.’
~ Woody Allen
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
~ Woody Allen
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
~ Woody Allen
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
~ Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
~ Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
~ Woody Allen
Right now it’s only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
~ Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
~ Woody Allen
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
~ Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
~ Woody Allen
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
~ Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
~ Woody Allen
Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
~ Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
~ Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
~ Woody Allen
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
~ Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
~ Woody Allen
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
~ Woody Allen
